Ama

It's night time and I am up because I work nights 12-hour shifts, as a nurse.  So in order not to mess up my sleep, I stay up on the days that I'm off.  I haven't written in this blog in a long while.  So much has happened since my last post.  

All four of my children are grown; my youngest will be 20 years old next month and finishing up her first year of college.  The time flew by.  I no longer work in a hospital, but I do work in a smaller facility where the pace isn't so fast.  I'm still doing pretty much the same things that I did when my family were all together as a family.  I still try to go to Mass as much as I can.  I usually have to wait until I'm off work.  I still sew like a crazy person, still pray the rosary as much as I can(it's my lifeline), still read and read at night until my vision gets blurry and still try to slow cook at night for the following day while the TV's going.  An old movie is usually playing.   I still love the old musicals and old vintage movies.  The only hard part is doing all this alone.  But I'm very grateful for my life, though.  I always remind myself that there's more time behind me and less time in front of me, so I always appreciate my life.   

These days I think of the most influential person in my life; my maternal grandmother.  My parents married young so they lived with my grandmother for about 5 years before they bought a house.  My other two brothers were also born while we lived with 'Ama'.  That is what we called my grandmother.  It's a spanish term for 'Mother'.  My grandmother taught me how to say the rosary; how to live my life in a Christian way; she was always there.  She died in 1973; my brothers and I took her death very hard since we had lived with her for a while, after my parent's divorce and before she went to the hospital.  I remember the last day before she went in, she got some knitting needles and some bright orangy-yellow yarn and taught me the first steps of knitting.  To this day, knitting, along with sewing is my passion.  There are so many many wonderful memories; enough to keep me going. 

 I asked my father once if my memories of my grandmother were real or what I wanted them to be.  I asked this because I had read or heard somewhere that sometimes memories can be a funny thing; people will change the past so they can remember what it is they want to remember.  My father said my memories were accurate; he also added that one of his memories, back then when he was dating my mom, was sometimes my great-grandmother would be at my grandmother's home.  When he came over to see my mother, my great-grandmother would get up and cook him something.  He said she was very kind to him.  I pondered over that because I hadn't heard this from my mom.  I loved it and was so glad that he shared it.    

 As I got older, I began to realize that my tastes were very similar to hers.  I decorated my home the way she had her home.  I loved knitting and sewing, drinking coffee way past morning like she did.  I would sit with her in the evenings, watching old movies, (which weren't old back then; they are now); she would pare and cut an apple and eat it while she was watching TV.  Every morning she would get up and water her garden.  She could grow anything; she also grew tomatoes.  She always wore an apron at home because she was always cleaning and dusting the house.  I love wearing aprons.  I have a ton of them that I've sewn up and wear whenever I cook.  She also loved to cook.  It was such a simple, simple life, yet so endearing.  Yes, the best memories I ever had, growing up, were that of Ama.  But what I'm still learning now is that she taught me how to do things alone and be happy; and I am.  I still work.  When I'm off work I clean my home, I slow cook while the TV is on; always on an old movie.  I don't have cable; I stream through Amazon, Netflix and Disney.  Amazon has a lot of vintage movies that I love.

  My youngest daughter still lives with me and I love it.  I know most young people like to leave home and make their own way quickly.  My daughter still loves being around me; and she's also attending undergraduate school.  I remember my grandmother; she reminds me to remember the value of family.  I strive to be a good mom and remember to give my daughter space and encourage her always.  My other three are also doing well with their lives.  My two sons live on their own and my other daughter lives with her father.  I see them when I can.  My husband and I still love each other; we just live apart. I just wanted to mention someone, in the past, whom I loved dearly and who influenced my life so much.  That's the great thing about those memories.  Love you Ama.